what should I do?

After reading Janet Malcolm’s The Journalist and the Murderer, I have come to question a journalist’s relationship with those they interview. How far should a journalist allow themselves to become involved with someone they ultimately intend to use for a story? In her book, a journalist (McGinniss) finds himself lying to an accused murderer (MacDonald) in order to get more information out of him and deceives him into believing that they are friends.
Unlike McGinniss, I am actually friends with someone I am writing a story about. However, this puts me in an awkward position because I have stumbled upon a few things in my story that make for a funnier story at the expense of my friend. Any words of wisdom?

A day at the mortuary....

(keep posted for pictures/slideshow)

Sitting in a large, dark and empty office with furniture that looks like it came from the 1960’s, I wait for Richard O’Hara. He enters the room looking slightly confused as to the reason of my visit. I explain that I’m not there to plan a funeral.

With a permanent stoic expression O’Hara clarifies that he was never interested in working for the family owned mortuary business until his father begged him for help. His work was only supposed to be temporary but 30 years later he is Vice President and Funeral Director of McAvoy O’Hara Company Evergreen Mortuary. Because the mortuary is a full-service mortuary O’Hara admits that, “There isn’t a job I haven’t performed in our facilities.” He is licensed to care for the remains, direct and schedule memorials and funerals, cremate remains, and provide automotive services just to name a few. “There are things I don’t do that I used to,” he says possibly implying that he no longer cares for the remains.

Because Evergreen mortuary is open seven days a week and 365 days a year O’Hara, looking a bit irritated, affirms that as a family owner his cell phone is never turned off. “We serve approximately 600 families a year,” he explains. He repeatedly throws in the detail that the mortuary is the oldest one in San Francisco that is continuingly operating. He also stresses that they are a full service mortuary and will do whatever the customer wants, creating the image of one of those competitive, cut-throat car sales man. I learned these details four times throughout the conversation.

As someone who works with the deceased, O’Hara begins to talk about the hardest part of his job. “It’s hard when dealing with children. There’s a difference between someone who is 90-years-old and has lived a long life than a one-year-old. It’s hard on the entire staff,” he says. The once stoic and blank expression on his face has vanished as he goes on explaining some emotional memories he has of past clients. Recalling a time when he directed a funeral for an immigrant family whose father was murdered, a glimmer of tears form behind his eyes. He continues on describing an 11-year-old Asian boy who, by default, became head of his family due to the passing of his father. “In Asian culture it is tradition for the oldest son of the family to take on the responsibilities of the father,” claims O’Hara. During the funeral, says O’Hara, you could in the child’s face that he knew he must console his mother and mourn, yet stay strong for the family because he is now in charge. “As he was leaving the chapel he was trying to be a strong male and grieve at the same time. It was heartbreaking to see,” he confesses. He pauses for a quick second and goes on to describe a second experience where his job has been emotionally draining.

“A man lost six members of his family in a car accident and wanted to see the family before anyone did anything,” he says in a quiet voice. It seemed almost as if O’Hara is reliving the moment, he pauses at times. He explains that the young man was a tall, big, built man but he had let his emotions get the best of him and demanded that he see the bodies of his family members as they were after the car accident. “It was the hardest thing for me to do, making a decision whether or not to let this man see them. But he was angry and agitated and he needed to see them for closure, so I allowed it,” he adds. After the man saw his family he calmed down, “It’s something individuals must judge for themselves, it wasn’t my place to tell him no,” says O’Hara. He also mentions that a difficult part of his job is explaining to people what they are going to see in regards to the physical condition of the deceased body.

O’Hara admits that over time he has been able to deal with such experiences better by not letting his emotions get to him. “When difficult situations come about and you aren’t emotional, you’re too cold and its time for you to leave this business,” he says. He changes the subject and shows me a map of San Francisco grave yards and points to a vast area of land occupied by the University of San Francisco, formerly Masonic Cemetery. Before my departure he makes sure that I know Evergreen Mortuary is the oldest mortuary that is continually operating, oh and also that they are full service.